You would just never know it these days. A few weeks ago I was being kind of silly with Brigg and he was laughing. Nothing out of the ordinary really. But he says to me, "Mom, you're funny!" Well duh! What do you mean I'm funny?!? OF COURSE I am funny. I'm totally funny! Why do you not know that?
Well maybe because I feel like I spend most of my day focusing on keeping them alive. This would include reprimending them for various risky behaviors, reminding them to stay in the yard, yelling as they run through a busy parking lot to get back by me, rushing them to brush their teeth in the morning, barking at them about what they need to remember in their back packs and on and on and on. That, my friends, is neither funny nor fun at all.
Tonight at Nalani's preschool picnic I ran into a friend. I was there alone with the kids. Ayla was in the backpack on my back and I just felt fried. We have 2 showers in this house, none of which work properly at the moment and Paul doesn't have a spare minute to fix them. I had gotten Brigg off the bus, shipped him off to TKD, took Nalani to her 2 hour dance rehearsal, flew by mom and dad's to pick up Brigg, ran home to pick up the brownies to take to the picnic and walked over to the park. So I ran into this friend and I unloaded. Almost in tears she told me that I indeed looked a little frazzled. Um yeah. Frazzled. Yes. It's summer. Paul is working long hours and I am running around trying to get the kids where they need to go. The kids miss their dad. I miss their dad. I am tired. There are days when I think our best bet is to just leave it all behind and head out into the wilderness. I don't know.
But back to fun. I DO remember the days when I was fun. When Brigg would have been caught off guard if I wasn't in full-fun mode. When it's just "us" and we have a full day together, we really are fun. We enjoy eachother. We laugh. We are spontaneous. Just seems like those days are few and far between anymore.
So a whole lot of words about nothing. Sorry.
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As I head to bed, all I can say is, "I will pray" I will pray for Jody and Andy, pray for you,pray for Paul, pray for my grandchildren, pray for Jimmy,pray for Gale,pray for my husband, pray for my friends and their kid's situations, I will pray for my other children and their families.... as I head to bed, I will lay it all at His feet... I cannot do anything without Him, I cannot breathe without Him... I am tired and I am weak, He is strong and never tires.... I am heavy hearted for all the sadness that surrounds me, but only till I lay it at His feet... He can do it all. Praise be, He is in control!! Goodnight and love to all of you, all who mean so much to me and even MORE so to Him.
i so get this. know you are not alone. (and you have the best mom in the entire world.) :)
That is exactly what I was telling another friend - I used to be fun. I used to laugh. I'm in child survival mode and it's hard work. I'm too tired to have fun! I'm sorry life is hard for you right now. Little kids are HARD...but they're even harder when you're doing it on your own.
that's a whole lot of words about your life-that's NOT "nothing" my dear! You are fun, well, when I worked with ya you were fun, but I guess the kids weren't around!! :) JK. You are such a wonderful mom, and the kids will so remember all of those special moments that you create for them! Love ya, dg
i'm right there with you. it seems like i go through the morning rush in full panic mode in order to get everyone where they need to be with clean clothes, breakfast eaten, bags packed, hair and teeth brushed, etc. so that I can be where I need to be by 8am. and then at 5pm we do the same panicked rush to get everyone to ball, gymnastics, piano, etc. with all the right equipment and on time. and then when evening activities are done its a rush for some dinner, showers, homework and to bed. sometimes it is a vicious circle and feels like the days pass without any quality time.
today as i write this i am feeling so guilty because both of my kids were bawling for one reason or another this morning and i had no time to comfort them only to say hurry up and get in the car and quit your crying. total guilt.
you are sooo not alone girl and you are doing just fine. your kids are fine. they know how loved they are. it's all good. i am sure my parents, your parents, everyone's parents felt the same way at some point and look, we all turned out fine :)
take care and have a good day today. it's FRIDAY :)
Yes Heather, EXACTLY!! I do remember vividly when I turned my life over to Christ.... I was going through very much the same "STUFF" and I had 3 beautiful healthy children, the big home I always wanted and Larry's career was on it's way, but I was alone and felt like I was losing my mind. Ugh, I do remember those days so well as I read all you beautiful young mothers's remarks. It does get easier in some ways but really never ends. Once a mother, always a mother... a very tough, hard, incredibly rewarding job!! Look at my children AND their amazing friends... wow!! :- )
I am with you, Cass. I get it.
just so you know, you ARE fun. :-)
thinking of you today...(actually every day but today especially!)
It's a comfort to us all to hear that we each go through the same things. Just these past two mornings for me as well... it just feels like I've had to use my yelling voice to get the kids to move in the mornings so that we all get out the door on time, without taking the time to "have fun." I am so there with you, Girl. :)
It si funny when we actually get chance to "play" and one of them asks why we are being so nice. Ouch, I guess I am not always nice either, we all get it.
I sometimes wonder if my kids know that side of me even exists?
I can't remember a 'silly' time...good times, fun times, but not just flat out silly...we're not there yet (soon though, I see very promising signs!)
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