Wednesday, March 30, 2011

wow...what an honor...

i've been subbing.
a lot.
last week i was in a preschool special education classroom all week and this week i have been in a 5th grade classroom.
i really just wanted to jot down a few things before i forget how amazing this has been.

i remember before i had kids.
i wanted to be a workin' woman.
i seriously would have just loved to work my way up the corporate ladder.
be the "boss".
make lots-o-money.
sat through meeting after meeting.
gone out to fancy lunches.
i'm serious.

then i had brigg.
it was crazy.
my plans were to take 8-12 weeks off work and then go back.
i remember week 8 coming and going.
i began to PANIC.
how in the world would i go back to work??
and just like that, it no longer meant anything to me.
i just wanted to stay home with my baby.
none of those things were important to me at all anymore.

staying home just felt right.
it was like i had found my niche.
and i didn't even know i was looking for it...i thought i already had found it in the business world.

fast forward to 2010.
3 babies later.
a couple part-time jobs here and there.
one pretty brief full-time job.
years of baby raising, diaper changing, breastfeeding, and 10000 boxes of goldfish later.
i decided i was ready to get back into the school.
i started to feel it in my bones when brigg and lani were both in school and i would volunteer.
as soon as i walked through those doors, my heart would skip a beat.
children squealing...the smell of crayons and paint.
i started to feel like i was missing it.
so i renewed my license last year and got back on the sub list.

it's been a bit of a rough go with ayla.
i have not worked outside of the home since she arrived.
there has been a looooong adjustment since november.
about 5 months.
there have been days that it's kinda sucked.
mommy guilt.
lots of it.

but all of the sudden, something has clicked.
she's fine.
no tears.
no begging not to go.
excitement to see her friends.
and finally, i feel like i have started to shift my focus off of just getting through the day and getting back to her, to actually enjoying my day.
being present in the moment.

and can i say it has been awesome.
amazing, in fact.
this week, all of the sudden, it just felt right.
like i had again found my niche....when i didn't even know i was looking for it.
5th grade has been great this week.
my parenting teaching just clicks with this age group.
it hasn't been easy...just right.
and i have loved it.

and it's not just 5th grade.
it's the school in general.
all of it.
as i walked around the playground today on recess duty, i wanted my computer right there.
i wanted to get all the thoughts rolling around in my head down on paper.
i looked around at the 100 kids or so on the playground and felt overwhelmed.
what an honor.
what a privilege to have a part in building who they are...what they become.
(i dont mean my 3 days subbing, but teaching in general)
what a responsibility.
sometimes scary.
and teachers just don't get the credit they deserve.
they work their butts off.
the majority of them love these kids like crazy. they put their heart and soul into their jobs.
it has been such an honor to see it first hand this past 6 months.
it's a tough job. but man, the rewards are endless.
is the system way.
are the teachers perfect...nope.
but they are working hard and doing everything they can to guide these kids down the right paths.
to provide the life skills for their future.
and i think they are doing an amazing job.

i can only hope that i grow up to be the kind of teacher these women and men are.
(and that i can find a job so i have the opportunity to become a teacher at all!!)

feeling pretty thankful tonight.
very blessed.

(and HOW CUTE is that photo of ayla?? mommy and teacher. how lucky can one girl be?)


Beckysblog said...

I pray my kids' teachers are as passionate about educating children as you are.

Love you!

Amy said...

I love this post!! :)

Lora and James said...

Love this. And I love Ayla...geez that picture is cute!!!

Candi said...

I love that you are so passionate about teaching too and KNOW your students are blessed by your passion.... and of course Ayla is ADORABLE not only in that pic either!!! : )

Tisha said...

You are so fortunate to KNOW your passion and to have the opportunity to DO your passion! What an honor indeed, both for you and for your students who have you for a teacher, even as you sub.
That picture of Ayla is AMAZING!!