Thursday, January 26, 2012

New life

i have a new life.
and it's kinda nuts and totally different and not what i expected.
i've always kept myself busy. always. sometimes i even think i might have ADHD. i like to DO stuff all the time. i like to be active and busy and moving.
so it's not new that my life is nuts. but it's just a different kind of nuts.
i was talking to an old friend yesterday and mentioned something about being in a perfectly behaved classroom that was quiet and calm. he said, "honestly, cassie? you would not like it. you would miss the grind. you would miss the madnesss."
i have these moments of wanting peace. i was chatting with another friend and blurted out, "WHY DO I HAVE TO GET SO WORKED UP?? why do i have to CARE about this so much? why do i have to get splotchy and feel my blood pressure rise and feel so damn passionate about stuff? WHY? I just want to be even. ALL THE TIME. just chill and even."
she laughed.
because it's hysterical. me? even-keeled? BBBAAAHAHHHAAAAHHHAAA.
so then i tried saying that i just want to fit in box. at least let me just care about ONE or TWO things. and they are located in the same box. because my brains is frazzled. and intense and fried.
how can i possibly love the big city yet want to live in a tiny house in the wilderness? in one month how can i attend a women's ministry meeting, read deep stuff about saving the planet, volunteer to be a part of a technology committee working towards casting the vision of technology in our classrooms, get my nosed pierced and a tattoo on my ring finger, present to my church about buying stoves for families in Haiti, attend a poverty training meeting, buy a kayak, plan a trip to michigan, go to a hawkeye basketball game, baby-sit my foster nephew, watch The Help, make bread from scratch, take a train to chicago, do a cleanse, turn the compost, do yoga, make a dinner out of all canned food from my garden, play words with friends, lead a PTO meeting and still be alive to blog about it?
my mind is spinning at a million miles a minute.
it's a love/hate relationship i have with my brain.
but apparently the idea of my just stopping it all is funny.
to lots of people.
myself included.
let's see....started this job in august. still working on balance. i love everything i am doing.
but i just need to find more of those calm, peaceful moments.
in my technology committee meeting this week, we did a "reflection" of the first day.
it was like an a-ha moment for me.
more reflection, cassie...more reflection.
i used to be good at that. something had to give and that was one of the things.
so here i am again. resurrecting the blog is the plan. we shall see.
my biggest blog issue has been the fact that i now have 2 computers.
i don't download my pictures on my school computer. which, by the way, where in the world is my camera? i don't think i've gotten it out in 2 months.
secondly, my wireless "hot spot" got stolen. so we don't have internet at our house. i just have my phone. and i filed a police report but have heard nothing. and verizon won't release info to me, just the police.
it's whacked.
kind of like my brain.
so how's that for a random blog post?
are ready for me?
these upcoming blogs could be nuts.
i'm baaaaaaaaacccckkkkk....


Courtney said...

yay! can't wait... :-)

Beckysblog said...

The reason you are so amazing is for all those reasons you just posted.
Would not change one thing.
love you.
Michigan...we will reflect in Michigan.

Chris/Stew; Brenda said...

Sounds like another Stewart I know...actually, several Stewarts I know! :)