Thursday, November 17, 2011

still adjusting

seriously, will we ever get this figured out?
i stayed at home for the better part of 10 years.
i did everything home-wise.
because that was my job.
bills, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, pet care, running errands and on and on.
so we knew when i went back to work full-time that it was going to be an adjustment to say the least.
we knew we were going to have to make some shifts in responsibilities.
and honestly, we've transitioned quite well.
but once in a while, things just get overwhelming.
and i freak.
like this morning.
last night brigg found a tick on willow.
this morning i said to paul "what was the date you took willow to the vet? we probably are about at one month and need to give her her next pill for fleas, ticks, heartworm, etc."
he stared at me blankly.
"what pill? i didn't give her a pill that day."
(enter my freaking out because our neighbors dog died of lyme disease last year).
so we bicker back and forth as i'm throwing dishes in the dishwasher and FORGETTING to switch over the wet clothes into the dryer. barking at him from the kitchen as he's rushing lani along to finish drying her hair and get the big kids out the door.
apparently i never told him about the pill.
because i just DID IT.
it was never written down.
i don't have a list.
i did things for TEN YEARS.
it was just something i did.
so now when i forget i just assume someone else will pick up my slack.
without ever telling them.
(or him).
and it's frustrating! for both of us!
so paul rushes out the door with me shouting out reminders as he's in the doorway and i rush out the front door to get ayla to daycare 10 min late.
after i drop her off, paul and i meet again on our cell phones.
we go over the plan for the day.
for the weekend.
what am i forgetting?
he says "you need to write it all down. everything you do."
oh my.
but this weekend that is the plan.
write it all down. because geez, this stuff needs to get done!
in my panic i had visions of a dead dog and sobbing children and late bills and paul's business failing and us living in a van down by the river.
you know how one little thing in your brain can evolve into the end of the world? :)
yeah. that's me.
i'm trying. i don't want to fail at any of my jobs.
and we are getting there.
but we are obviously still going through an adjustment period.
(paul called the vet and he calmed my worries. we think willow might live. whew.)


Happilyoutnumbered said...

Oh I hear you loud and clear! Being a working mother is hard....Ben and I struggle everyday with this. I am not sure if we will ever get it "figured" out...but we survive each day and life goes on. Hang in there....

Beckysblog said...

Love you Cassie.
It will get easier. Not easy. But easIER.

One day at a time.

Candi said...

Oh ya, I remember those those days very well... especially the guilt I felt after I blew my stack.... it is part of your life right now.... it will get better but about the time you think you've got it under control, something ELSE happens!! Praying for you all Cass, praying for you ALL!!