lots-o-thoughts

i am slammed.
meeting after meeting after training after training after meeting.
and i don't think that ever goes away. :)
ever.
it's all good stuff.
but my brain is on OVERLOAD to say the least.
so let's just clear that up before i start typing completely unrelated thoughts into one blog post.
ok.
so i'm fried.
got it.
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the other day i sent lisa a message that said i am trying to be the BEST mom.
the BEST teacher.
the BEST wife.
the BEST friend.
the BEST sister/daughter/aunt/neighbor/co-worker/house cleaner...oh wait...NOT that one. :)
and really, in the end i am failing at all of them.
so i'm finding that there really is something to the saying "Something's gotta give".
it does.
i have to focus.
so last week it was 2.
teacher and mom. (paul was out of town...wife got put on back burner.)
which basically meant i was terrible at all other things.
and let's be honest...i certainly wasn't THE BEST at the 2 i put as my priority.
but they were my focus.
and i made it through the week alive.
barely.

i talked to a friend one night for 2 1/2 hours after the kids went to bed.
she informed me that by the looks of my FB page and my blog, i looked like i had it "all together."
pretty sure i laughed out loud at that one.
let's clear this up.
I.DO.NOT.HAVE.IT.ALL.TOGETHER.
laughable, i tell ya!
i compare how i feel to be completely submerged in water with just my two nostrils above the surface.
barely staying a float.
barely breathing.
but trying to keep it all together for my students and my kids.
so god help you if you are my dear friend and 'get' to talk to me for 2 1/2 hours one night after my kids are in bed. HA!
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moving on.
i LOVE the song "Moves Like Jagger".
for real.
love.it.
can help but dance to it.
it's in my head *all the time*.
hundred of times a day.
and it makes me smile.
and kind of dance when i walk.

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speaking of walking.
i have a problem.
i do believe it is called plantar fasciitis.
fun.
this morning i wanted to cut my foot off and just get it over with.
but by mid-morning it was much better.
kinda sounds like i'll feel the same way tomorrow morning.
can't wait.
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the house was out of control.
paul got home on friday evening.
we were all DONE.
the kids were beyond tired after their first week of school.
*I* was beyond tired after my first week of school.
and ayla had the mother of all meltdowns.
which in turn lead to the MOTHER of the mother of all meltdowns from me.
good times.
i think paul was scared.
wondering what in the world happened while he was gone!
good news is that i alluded to it on FB on friday and today is tuesday. i friend called and asked about it and i couldn't even remember what in the world she was talking about.
what meltdown?
there was a meltdown?
OH YEAH....that's right....there WAS that one night. with the 2 biggest meltdowns ever recorded in the world.
but we're over that.
i totally forgot.
see?? it's all good!
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moving on.
we had no order to our lives for like a month.
laundry was piling up.
we were eating eggs every single night.
i couldn't take it....coming home and not having a plan.
so sunday night i came up with our menu for the month.
nothing fancy.
but a plan.
got groceries for the week.
and we are eating normal again this week.
whew.
it's been nice.
we are having THIS tomorrow.
because damn it...i need some comfort food.
:)
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and guess what.
we have our annual APPLE PICKING trip this weekend.
and it's a 3 day weekend!!
yee-haw!!!
so excited.
that's an understatement.
a long weekend in wisconsin.
happy dance is in my future!

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ayla is doing awesome at daycare.
there has not been a tear.
not one.
she gives me a hug and kiss and she's off.
it's made that part of my life much much easier.
i drop her off around 7:30 am and paul picks her up around 3:30.
he gets home with her just as the kids get off the bus and i'm home about 30 minutes later.
by the time i get home the kids have their reading done and if they have homework that is finished.
so we have several hours at night just to BE.
and that is what we are doing.
eating supper.
talking.
and then going to bed.
once they are in bed, i pull out my work.
has anyone ever told you teaching is not a 40-hr/week job?
i'm here to tell you it is NOT.
especially as a first year teacher.
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i love my class.
LOVE them.
deep love that is so unexpected.
my FB status the other day read...

"Unexpected surprise #1 during my 1st year of teaching: I love my students. All of them. A deep "i-will-fight-for-you-no-matter-what" kind of love. Didn't expect that. Knew I would enjoy them, but not that I would feel so protective of their feelings and their right to receive an excellent education. I've finally had some time to reflect this morning and this kept popping in my head as my biggest surprise so far."

and it's true. totally unexpected, but happy. i'm so glad i get to fight for them. i'm good at that. i can DO that. makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. thank you god.
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did i mention i like the song "Moves Like Jagger"?
i do.
it's running through my head as i type this.
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my husband is awesome, supportive, encouraging and amazing.
i could not do this without him.
could NOT.
i miss talking to him so much during the day, but i love him even more.
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my kids, friends, family and students are awesome.
i love them.
i am thankful.
so so grateful.
but MAN...i do NOT have it all together. :)

the end.
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ps.
i still need help meeting my $1000 goal!
please go HERE to donate and be the change!!