Be careful what you ask for...

You just might get it.
I do believe over the past few years one of my most often prayed prayer is that my heart would break for the things that break the heart of God. I may have prayed it almost too lightly. Didn't really think about what that meant. Because you know what, in every single corner of the earth, there are things that are breaking the heart of God.
Pain.
Suffering.
Poverty.
Sin.
Brokeness.
And when we pray for our heart to be broken, too...well...it hurts.
It's painful.
Compassion is painful.
Loving is painful.
So last week as I stepped over trash and farm animals and children to navigate my way through Kroo Bay, I was pretty sure I wanted to pray, "NEVERMIND! I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS! I DON'T WANT MY HEART TO BREAK. I WAS KIDDING. I DIDN'T KNOW!"
I could. not. breathe.
Literally.
Felt like I was suffocating. It was hot. It was loud. I was hearing things and smelling things and seeing things that I didn't know existed.
And it hurt.
My eyes hurt. My heart hurt.
I just wanted to get home.
Because if I would just get home, the hurt would lessen.

Then the plane landed in the Quad Cities.
We were home.
But you know what? There is hurt here, too.
And the past couple days I have been walking through some of the most difficult days of a friend's life and...well...it hurts.
We are not immune.
Nobody is immune to the suffering of this world. Not a single soul.
The pain may look a little different to each person, but it's still pain. And it's still suffocating.

In a matter of days I found myself on 2 different sides of the world, aching for 2 very different types of suffering and it hurts.

but you know what? There IS a blessing in this. When I step back and take a breath, I see it. I see the heart of God. I have gotten a front row seat to seeing God working. In Sierra Leone there is a group of people in the Word Made Flesh team who are shining a light in the middle of one of the darkest places I have ever seen. I quite literally saw their team walk into Kroo Bay and shine. their. light.
And it was incredible. I have never witnessed the heart of God that up close and personal. And looking back, I do believe that may be part of the reason I felt like I was suffocating. Seeing God work is heavy.
And these past couple of days I have seen God working to redeem what initially looked like a hopeless situation. Bringing hope to the closest people in my life. And it is amazing.

So yes, there is a blessing in all this. And there is a lesson in it as well.
We are all the same.
We all hurt. We all suffer. We are all broken. And we all receive grace.
And hope.
And love.
Every last one of us.
We are all the same. And when God commands us to love one another, He means it.
He doesn't promise it will feel good or be painless.
But he promises he will be there.
And this past week has been living proof that he doesn't lie.
He is there.
In Kroo Bay and in Muscatine.
And for that, I am thankful.